I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
