She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize