Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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