You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
