Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
