Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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