ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
