I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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