fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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