Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
