Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
