Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
That's when you crack a 10am beer
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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