My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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