They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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