Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
