My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
