Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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