Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
