oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
