my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
