I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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