Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
