i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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