Porn is love you can see.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
