now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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