I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
