So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
A bitchslap is in order.
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