did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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