I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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