ugly people sure do ruin things
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize