She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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