I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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