he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
