that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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