turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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