I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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