i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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