After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize