I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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