normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
