I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize