I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
