He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
