I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
