Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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