So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
