Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
