I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
