I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
