Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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