at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
