it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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