It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
