Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
