Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
