she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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