She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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