Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize