Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
