she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
third nipple confirmed
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
