Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
