Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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