the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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