He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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