Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
