I think I just saw someone hide a body.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize