she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
